Acceptance this year...and maybe something more.
I accept there are certain things I can/can't do, things I am tasked with that I know I can never accomplish. No fatalism; NO in fact, this year has been quite an amazing experience.
It seemed summertime was full of a kind of hazy bliss, a time to reflect, discover some new qualities and elements in my own life from the life of others.
Now things have transformed. I've learned to stop chasing cats. Maybe it is time to start focusing on myself...perhaps I was too willing to be there, without first conquering my own mind, problems, goals, etc.
I think my sub-enlightenment reached its zenith sometime back then, in August.
Yet still I draw a blank page...there's nothing here; whiteout conditions. The page blisters my skin as I try to muster a few short words through whatever blizzard occupies this space. So I need to fill a page with a few blank words, need to flush something out...
It's bleak. Someone is looking up at me, a girl, noticing I'm 'here' but I'm not there. I'm tempted to give an answer that shows she only got part of what I was asking. A day with modifiers and exquisite adjectives...self describing, self serving words to describe these words...
The language of her textbook is confusing her, as she stares vaguely at the pages and away from me, wondering what the world would be like if she had superpowers. I wonder what it would be like to sail the open sea.
I’m rubbing my chin down staring up at the popcorn-sealing thinking about its noise-reducing properties…a sigh of release spreads out in the walls and over me, a warm blanket under which to foster some ideas...
The reluctant I staggers on for a minute in this conversation we are having; horrible music is pounding away at the pavement and in the colors of the background. Synesthesia, for short. An entire underground history is holding this story together, if you could say this is any story at all. Nope. No story. No birth or death of anything beautiful, nothing outlandishly tragic…just you, fingers...and you brain.
Hello brain! Augmenter of my dreams, my imagination, my culmination of hopes, the harbinger of ME... which as of now, is running on worn-out bearings; puffing fumes with an intake manifold clogged with pumice... and all the bullshit of the world.
Hold that thought, while I switch out the coffee filter.
Ultimately, I think I need new space, new skin in which to slither around in.
